I grew up in a town on the Jersey shore. Having spent my entire childhood on local beaches, I never gave a second thought to our horseshoe crabs. If you’ve never seen one, adults are quite large – up to 20″ wide and can be about 4 pounds. They resemble metal military helmets, complete with large sharp tails.
I took an out of town friend to the beach once and she was horrified. There were dozens and dozens of these large animals laying on the beach upside down. They get tossed there by the waves, and unfortunately, once on their backs, are stuck unless dragged out to sea again.
I will never forget Liz running up and down the beach trying to turn over all those horseshoe crabs to save them.
To me it seemed futile. I never gave them another thought, except to place my blanket and cooler out of the death zone.
As I blog about benzos, and read what others have to say in their blogs, I am feeling that same sense of futility. This morning I searched WordPress for the tag Ativan. Numerous blogs came up and as I read many, I was saddened. They seemed to all be celebrating the drug. Some even acknowledged that they knew Ativan, a Benzodiazepine, would ultimately be damaging, but they were willing to take the risk.
I have also grown tired of my face to face interactions where people step back as I tell my story. It’s not only rude, its clear that so many live in a world of denial. People feel this could not happen to them, or could not possibly be true. Our government, our medical professionals, would not allow this drug to be prescribed if it did what I and many, many others say.
That is scary.
I will never know if my time spent sharing publicly what I live privately has made an impact. But, like my long ago friend Liz, this time I am running up that beach turning over those helpless horseshoe crabs.
Loved this post. And that wonderful analogy. I think that when people are taking these drugs they are literally spellbound by the “help” they think these drugs are giving them. Why should they believe us? Until they get to the pain of tolerance or idiosyncratic symptoms they cling to the truth that they know.
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Thanks Jessica for your constant support and encouragement. I do not know where I would be right now if not for the strength of the friendships I have made with wonderful people like you.
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Keep writing Sue, get the message out. I enjoy reading.
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Thanks Cathy.
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Have you heard the starfish story? Some people say it’s cheesy but I think it’s wonderful. There were millions of starfish washed up on the beach where they would dry up and die without help, and a little girl was going along tossing starfish one by one back into the water. Some guy asked her why she was bothering, she would never be able to get them all back in, she would never be able to “make a difference”. But she threw another one back in and said “it made a difference to that one”.
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Love that Alex 🙂
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Hi, I take Valium and Xanax. I know they aren’t good for me to take long-term and I have become reliant on them. I wish I was never put on them but I still take them when I “have to” because sometimes they are the only way to feel slightly normal and to get out and do things which might help me.
I know they’re dangerous meds. I feel guilty when I use them and they change my mood/personality so much but I take them. I turn myself onto my back, like the crabs, I guess. By the way, those crabs are both the creepiest and the cutest little critters I have seen!
Keep sharing your story, it does make a difference and it helps remind me that I need to come off these meds.
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Thanks for sharing your story. I am so sorry you have to take these drugs, and I appreciate the encouragement to keep writing.
Whenever you decide you want to stop taking the drugs, please feel free to contact me. I am involved in several really wonderful support groups filled with amazing people who will support and love you through it all.
My best to you, Sue
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Thank you so much, that’s really kind of you. I’m in the process of trying to sit with my anxiety a bit longer rather than immediately reaching for meds. Hopefully I can train myself to not need them at all. All the best to you too and thanks again for offering support 🙂
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Keep up the posts Sue, it is the only time i can still feel connected to you. I miss my sister and my heart holds so much respect and love for your bravery in telling your story. I am so proud of the support system you have at home, with a wonderful husband and two beautiful boys. these young men i am sure are proud of their mother and support her journey.
love you,
paula
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