I wish I knew who I was. I’m a wife. I’m a mom to now grown children. I’m a survivor of Big Pharma. I recently moved to the mountains of West Virginia and am rebuilding my life. Bad things have happened to me, but good results often come from bad. I am thankful for all that I’ve lived through because I have faith that I am here for a purpose.
Many of the posts in this blog (2013 – 2015) are from the most challenging time of my life. It was dark. Besides the physical pain, the emotional trauma was awful. Through a series of fortuitous events, I discovered what was wrong with me and only suffered for two years. Many people suffer much worse for much longer because of iatrogenic illness. Never heard that term? It’s like that Nicholas Cage movie “Broken Arrow.” The fact the term exists should be frightening.
In October 2012 my primary care physician put me on Ativan, (lorazepam, a benzodiazepine) because I was experiencing tongue pain brought on by hormones. By January 2013 that drug had damaged my brain and central nervous system. Benzos should be used only for 2-3 weeks, yet my doctor (as many doctors do) prescribed these for long-term use. I tell my story about how I safely tapered off this evil medication starting in February 2013. If you are taking a benzo, you need to taper off these slowly. And when your doctor says a couple of weeks to taper – run. It takes a long time to do it right and not suffer long term effects.
It’s now spring of 2016 as I reshape what my focus will be in this blog. My illness happened, I carry lessons with me, but I want to move beyond that experience. As I write (procrastinate) I’m surrounded by 20 years of boxes and belongings which should be sorted. My new home and this lovely community of 650 people will be featured going forward. Becoming the butterfly after a life in a cocoon is my goal. I want to learn to draw. Repurpose furniture. Buy a good camera and join the local photographers. Canoe. Geocache. And my secret lifelong goal I will share only with you: I want to write a novel. There, I’ve said it. Hold me to it. Welcome to this adventure.
Please also check out my book review blog, https://eyesandearsbooks.wordpress.com/
~Sue
Thank you so much for the comment and the welcome. I am finding your experiences really interesting to read. I wish you well in dealing with the horrible monster that is anxiety.
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Hi,
I am tapering and scared I was told I also went into menopause during this taper. They want to prescribe bhrt I don’t want to add anything else to this taper mess. Will my jhormones adjust on there own without Bhrt after taper done. Did you take bio identicals or do it without
Love
Kathy
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Kathy, I’m so sorry your stuck in this benzo trap too. I’m still in peri, and have those issues to deal with. My gyn wanted me on drugs but I refused. After so long suffering, my attitude is deathbed before prescriptions. Google diet & menopause and essential oils & menopause. I use those natural tricks to cope with symptoms instead of adding any hormones via a doctor. Do you have a benzo support group?
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Hi Sue
First of all Thank you soo much. My gut said not to take anything and I found another thread you may want to share on why no benzo and bhrt
http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=44150.0 (just found this lind as I was searching benzo and Bhrt) Also said BW could mimic peri and menopause and to not take anything.
After a Short term intermittent use.7 months tapering from .125 I have approx. over 2 months left to taper I am down to .044 twice of K told very low but it has been a test of my faith. Which I have in my lord.
I do not have a support group but would like one I have an amazing husband who is so worried and 2 beautiful boys my oldest 21 and engaged and my youngest is 10. He is worried and I hate that any support or help would be greatly appreciated.
What about sleep I am taking monteray tart cherry any other ideas for that and a support group.
Praise the lord you are doing well again
Love
Kathy
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I’ve heard about the tart cherry and people seem to have success with it. I have not heard anything negative about it.
I had terrible sleep issues and found lavender essential oil to be a godsend. I diffuse it while I’m sleeping, but if you don’t have a diffuser, you can put some on a cotton ball and put it inside or next to your pillow. It calmed the rapid heart beat and relaxes.
Benzo Buddies is used by many for wd support. One thing that helped me is I continued my taper all the way down to the cut size I was making. So my last dose was .00125mg (spread out over 4 doses). Lots of people taper, then make the mistake of “jumping off” at a higher dose than the brain wants. We prefer the “step off” method of going all the way down so the brain doesn’t notice. Even with my 17 month taper of 1mg Ativan taken only for 3 months before I got sick, it took till about month 7 off the medication, before I celebrated and felt healed.
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Kathy, I’m not in this group, but they have info which may be helpful and you can create an account and ask questions. Once you have an account, you can search old posts too.
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/14-tapering/
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Sue
What taper rate did you use I am tapering at 3% but I made a mistake of taking a supplement suggested by a nutritionist had phenabute so it made my dose higher last week so having a tough day wondering if I should hold I usually so 7 day tapers I was going to wait 10 days. I hope that helps as I do not want to up dose I just want to be done. so I want to keep my 3% taper I will taper down to .004
Love you
Kathy
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Hi Sue
I had tapered down from a low dose of .112 all the way down to .004 then off over a year. I have had good days but fear and confusion because I was told when you get off you will have no more bad days. But when I get stressed like the move we did reved me up. I noticed feeling jiggly inside and my sleep became wanky again and I got scared. I could not believe this intermittent use of a quarter of this pill could do this. I am still confused I was put back on to taper off. My husband wasn’t sure this was the klonapin he thought it was peri-menapause but I no my cognative abilities are still lacking. I am almost 4 months out post taper. I do have good days and if I try to figure something out or have bad news I can have an anxiety day. Mostly because I thought when I was done my nervous system wouldn’t be sensitive anymore. But it is. Is that normal? I am soooo appreciative for my good days I feel like me!! And then I don’t. On the plus I can read YAHHH. I sleep most nights. I can pray for others.
I know now my brain will continue to heal I must be patient and appreciative.
I questioned if my short term benzo could cause these symptoms but after reading your story I see that it did. It is so odd tome because I have friends who are on antidepressents and zanax or Ativan that seem to be doing fine. I even went to a Christian counselor who told me it wasn’t the zanax I felt invalidated and confused then she told me she takes it a couple times a month.
I should look to a group but I don’t want to get scared I am looking for hope.
Love and Blessings so happy for you
Kathy
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Hi Sue, You’ve won a copy of Into the Land of Snows. Please send your mailing address to himalayaspencerellis@yahoo.com. Thanks. Ellis Nelson http://www.ellisnelson.com
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