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Posts Tagged ‘life’

What’s the job where if you do it well enough after about two decades you are guaranteed to be fired??  Oh yeah, motherhood. blog

The summers of 2013 and 2014 I was suffering from the damage caused by Ativan and it’s impact on my brain and central nervous system.  One huge side effect of that iatrogenic illness was emotional blunting.  I felt nothing.  I spent 20+ hours a day in bed just trying to survive.  Had there been a fire in my house it’s not an exaggeration to say I am unsure I could have worked up the energy to bother getting up.

During those lost years of illness my children grew up.  The youngest graduated high school and joined his brother at college.  The transition from homeschooler to successful college student was seamless.  They managed their course loads, performed well academically, chose good friends, made wise decisions.  Both have become amazing citizens and will be successful in anything they attempt.

But now I am feeling well and FEELING in general and they are living at home.  But instead of the kids I sent off to college, I’m living with two adult males who no longer need a mommy.  That’s been my identity and the only job I was designed for since June 1993.  My brain knows I’ve done my job well and it’s time, but my heart says “just a little longer please.”  I’m grateful that I can again feel all the emotions God gifted us with, but some days I wish that elusive time machine would finally be built so I could hold my boy’s hands and relive some of the best years of my life.

I love this scene from Galaxy Quest.  Gwen sums up what I was and what I shall always be.  Please watch:

http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi2625634841

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